The Concrete Principle
By Rev.Donald T Sawyer Jr.
Several years ago, I created The Concrete Principle to help individuals understand whether or not you or someone is willing to change a behavior which may be destructive, dysfunctional or counter-productive to themselves or a relationship.
- First, you have to admit there is a need for a change in your behavior. If you are walking around in denial, then the concrete principle will not be able to help you.
- Secondly, you must be willing to do the work that it will take to complete this change within yourself.
- Thirdly, you must be willing to never give up on yourself; however, this does not necessarily work in regard to other people. Sometimes, we just have to resolve ourselves that others will not change and be able to accept this fact, which the concrete principle will prove.
I developed the concrete principle after studying people and working with them throughout my life growing up in New York City. Also, my twenty year enlistment in the United States Air Force and the last 20 years working as a Marriage and Family Mediator.
Growing up in Brooklyn, New York as a child, I remember in my neighborhood there was always a lot of construction taking place building high rise buildings. What I mostly remember is watching the construction workers making the sidewalks. First they would pour the cement and then they would use a trough to smooth out the cement. Once they were done, they would go to lunch or go to another job. When they were gone, my friends and I would come out and write our names and put our handprints in the wet cement.
So now if the construction workers didn’t return in time while the cement was still wet, and it started to harden and set the names and handprints would be forever imprinted in the concrete. I believe as human beings we are like wet cement, from the time we are born until we reach the age of eighteen. In these years, there are positive experiences that are written in our cement and negative ones. The problem comes when these negative experiences display themselves as anger issues, depression, guilt feelings, resentment, fear, jealousy, grief and insecurity. Then we start to have difficulty maintaining a relationship, holding a job, conflicts and disputes with family members and the law.
Now, I believe everyone can change; however, there is only one way to change concrete. You have to use a jackhammer to break it up. Then you get rid of the old concrete and pour new cement. When you pour the new cement, you need to make sure those negative experiences are not rewritten in your new cement. This will be when you see a change in yourself or another person.
There are many people who will tell you they want to change, or they are going to change and that is a beginning; however, if you don’t see it, it becomes just lip service. When someone truly wants to change, they really don’t have to say anything you can see it. You will be able to see the behavior which was displayed in the past is no longer being displayed. And you will know that the jackhammer was used on the concrete also known as your behavior.
If someone is needing assistance on how to use the jackhammer, you can call Marriage & Family Mediation and schedule a visit, 575.749.1520.
#mediation #relationship #family #harmony #support
Rev.Donald T Sawyer Jr. (Mediator) has been a certified mediator for over 30 years. He has provided his service to hundreds of individuals by helping them restructure their relationship and resolve issues related to: communication, finances, parenting, affection/sex, consideration for one another, coping with in-laws, friends, co-workers, and employee-employer. Donald holds a Master degree in social work and a Bachelor degree in Psychology with a minor in Sociology.